“I sought my soul,
but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God,
but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother,
and I found all three” - William Blake
In the loneliness of addiction, I searched myself. I tried to find answers in the same mind that caused the wreckage. I looked inward, desperate for clarity, but all I found were echoes of fear and shame.
When that didn’t work, I sought God — but to no avail. I prayed, I begged, I tried to bargain with Him. But God felt distant, like He was behind a wall I couldn’t reach.
What I didn’t understand then was this:
I was trying to find God without finding my brother.
Because it wasn’t until another man reached for me — and I, in turn, reached for another — that everything began to change. In those hands, in those conversations, in those moments of honest connection, God finally stopped hiding.
Last night was a perfect example.
I went to have tacos with two of my sponsees. Nothing dramatic. No movie scene moment. Just dinner — but it meant everything.
I value these men more than they know. For every way I help them, it doesn’t compare to how much they help me. The gift feels unfair in the best way. We laughed, we talked about life, and something about the holidays made it feel even more special.
Their friendship is a blessing. Their company feels like grace.
And I am honored — truly honored — to call them my brothers in Christ and in recovery.
“Two are better than one… if either of them falls down, one can help the other up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10
After dinner, we went to a rehab and spoke on a panel. Three men, once broken, now restored, standing in front of others who are still lost in the storm.
We spoke of our struggles. We spoke of our salvation. We spoke of our trust in God — a trust we did not earn, but were handed by the ones who came before us.
Praise God for putting these men in my life. Praise God for my sponsor — a man who put aside his time, gave freely, and reached into my darkness with nothing to gain. He showed me the way when I couldn’t see it. The chain of grace continues — one man to another, one moment at a time.
“Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine,
you did for me.”
Matthew 25:40
Every time I think I’m working to help someone else, I realize God is working on me.
Through service, He turns ordinary conversations into holy ground. Through connection, He turns strangers into family. Through brotherhood, He turns recovery into resurrection.
And I wish — with everything in me — that more of our brothers trapped in alcoholism and addiction could see what we’ve seen: That the path out is not up or in — it’s across, toward each other.
Because in serving my brother, I found my soul. And in finding my soul, I finally found God.
Loving God,
Thank You for meeting me where I could not meet myself.
Thank You for the brothers You placed in my path and the ones still to come.
Teach me to serve with gratitude, not obligation, with humility, not pride; with love, not fear.
Let every act of service draw me closer to You. Let every moment of connection become holy ground. Let those still suffering find hope through the hands that once trembled.
And may we remember — always — that in seeking our brother,
we find our soul,
and in finding our soul,
we find You.
Amen.
