Is your personality so big that no one can see your essence?
For most of my life, I competed for attention. Loud, overbearing, driven by a bloviated ego—an in-your-face presence that, if I’m honest, reflected more of a petulant child than a grounded man.
I can look back now and see it clearly. Some friends probably tolerated me. Some found enough entertainment to keep me around. And others… likely kept their distance, maybe even resented me quietly.
That version of me wasn’t real—it was protection.
An attempt at control.
A grasp for acceptance.
A distraction from revealing who I truly was… a scared kid underneath it all.
My personality was so loud it drowned out something much quieter—my soul.
That inner light barely had a chance to shine.
“He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30)
I didn’t live that way. I was increasing everything about me—my voice, my presence, my opinions—while the part of me that mattered most was being buried.
It’s like the elevator to any kind of higher awareness was out of order, and I never bothered to fix it.
Because truthfully, I didn’t want to be seen.
That would have required courage.
It would have required humility.
And I had neither.
Now, I won’t pretend that version of me is gone.
“Old John” still shows up from time to time, wanting his piece of the world. I can still get sharp, defensive—too quick with words meant to cut. I’ve got the wit, the vocabulary, and the edge to do damage if I let it loose.
And that part of me still tries.
When I think about it, I’m grateful my AA friends didn’t know me back then—I might’ve walked away with a different set of teeth.
But God showed me mercy in the middle of all that.
Because underneath it, I did believe I was capable of good. I had moments—a glimpse of a servant’s heart here and there.
My wife once said something that stuck with me:
“You never knew what you were going to get—compassion… or cruelty”
That’s about as honest as it gets.
Today, I want something different.
I want to get small.
Not invisible—but humble.
“God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” (James 4:6)
I want my soul to speak louder than my personality.
My presence to matter more than my words.
Less of me…
More of Him.
And maybe in getting smaller,
I finally become who I was meant to be.
Prayer:
Lord, strip away the parts of me that seek attention over truth.
Teach me humility, and give me the courage to be seen as I truly am.
Let my life reflect You more than myself.
Help me decrease, so You may increase in me.
Amen.
