Better a Hypocrite Than Never Changing

So much of my past—both the parts everyone knows and the parts only God saw—can still make me wince. Some memories are embarrassing to remember, let alone say out loud. In those days, during what I now recognize as an unconscious state, I reached places only God could fully understand… and only God could fully forgive.

When I look back at the man I was—and even the man I’m still becoming—I know I run the risk of being called a hypocrite. Off-the-cuff remarks, insensitive statements, political grandstanding, and the holier-than-thou moments I swore were righteous… but were really just the ego dressed as truth.

At the time, I believed I was right. But who exactly was that “I”?
Most likely the ego—self run riot, convinced it’s the highest authority, shouting over my soul about what’s what.

“Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
— Romans 12:2

Even now, I say things I later revisit in reflection and cringe at. I catch myself making amends or admitting I overreached. I can’t go back and edit my past or unsay every harmful word. What I can do is recognize the moments the false self tried to take the wheel… and learn.

The more I grow, the more I understand the two sides of my human coin:

• The Soul — impenetrable, loving, compassionate, the piece of God living in me.

• The Self — defensive, proud, loud, brash, certain it’s never wrong.

Today, I try to rein in that “self” before it takes over. I try to speak and act from the place God is renewing, not the place ego is defending. And yes, that may make me look like a hypocrite to people who only knew who I used to be.

“Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead.”
— Philippians 3:13

If someone wants to call me a hypocrite because I’m not who I used to be, so be it.
If changing my behaviors looks inconsistent with my past, good.
If learning from mistakes means I contradict my old self, that’s growth.

I’d rather be a hypocrite who’s learning,
than someone whose pride won’t let them move.

Better to be seen as inconsistent while walking toward God,
than to stay consistent with a version of myself God has already outgrown.

Because better a hypocrite, stumbling toward the light,
than someone who refuses to change… and calls it integrity.

Loving God,
Thank You for loving me enough not to leave me where You found me.
Help me release the shame of who I was, the fear of who I am, and the pressure of who others think I should be.
Quiet the ego that demands to be right,
and strengthen the soul that desires to be true.

Transform me day by day.
Renew my heart, my mind, and my motives.
Let my life reflect Your work in progress,
not the perfection I pretend to have.

And when others see inconsistency,
let them see growth.
When they see contradiction,
let them see transformation.
When they see a hypocrite,
let them see a child of God learning to begin again.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.