A common theme in AA is the principle of contrary action. For those of us in recovery, especially early on, our natural thinking often gravitates toward comfort, convenience, and immediate relief. We want what feels good now, even when we know the better choice requires sacrifice, patience, and discomfort. The truth is that many of life’s greatest rewards come from choosing what is right over what is easy.
I often think about the difference between what we ask God for and what God knows we need. In early sobriety, many people desperately want their old lives back. They want their spouse back, their children back, their reputation restored, and all the consequences erased. Yet God often seems to say, “Not yet.” Not because He is cruel, but because we are not ready. Our thinking says, Force it. Fix it now. Make things right on my timeline. God’s wisdom says, Work on yourself first. Build a foundation. Learn surrender. Let Me prepare you for what you’re asking for.
Sometimes contrary action means staying in sober living when you want to leave. It means accepting the court’s decision instead of fighting every outcome. It means attending another meeting when you’d rather isolate. It means focusing on becoming the person God is calling you to be rather than demanding the life you think you deserve.
At its heart, contrary action is a form of surrender. It is saying, “God, I don’t know what’s best for me, but You do.” It is doing the exact opposite of what the ego demands and trusting God’s direction instead.
I have found that whenever I become humble enough to admit that my own thinking has not produced the best results, God often begins to open a door. Sometimes only slightly. Sometimes not in the way I expected. Almost never in the timing I wanted. Yet when I approach life with gratitude rather than demands, I begin to see His hand at work.
Just as loving parents do not allow children to make every important decision for themselves, God lovingly guides us, even when we resist. We may fight His direction, question His timing, or resent His discipline, but our resistance only prolongs the lesson. We are His children, and often the greatest act of faith is accepting that He sees what we cannot.
Today, when faced with a decision, I try to pause and pray. I ask God for guidance. And when His answer runs contrary to what my ego wants, I do my best to choose His way over mine. Experience has taught me that my will leads to struggle, while God’s will leads to peace.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight.” — Proverbs 3:5-6
